Well, everybody has hobbies, interests and also talents – even though they are sometimes not so visible on some people. But there is an explicit difference between a hobby and an autistic special interest or a savant and having a talent for a defined competence. Neuro-typical people who are into a hobby, also doing this with a lot of passion and sometimes with a bit of fanaticism, but with clearly defined limits. Limited, because they know the boundary, between doing this as leisure activity and the point where an existential priority needs to become more important than their passion. As a person in autism spectrum focused on a special interest, you don’t see that line so clear – most of them don’t see it all. It’s that “big picture” in life you don’t see. This means that you’re not able, to draw that line between things important, as example earning money, and the personal importance of your special interests. People in autism spectrum, always prefer their special interest before everything else. When it’s about my special interests, then I feel like in a tunnel vision, like a super-strong neodymium magnet sticking on an iron plate, not able to move a freaking millimeter and focused on just that one thing. And I can’t do a thing against this problem. Pretty much the same behavior comes along with my savant. The only big difference is, that my special interests can change from time to time and my savant is always there. An other thing is, that my special interests are subjects I can spend many hours being engaged and studying about this topics. My savant is actually “just there” and I invest not so many time gaining knowledge, than I do regarding to my special interests.
So what’s my special interests and why do they change? First of all, not every autistic person is changing his special interests. There are people having the same special interest for a lifetime. And they can be diverse, like the autism spectrum it self’s. Some autistic individuals are into trains and all around it, some are into languages and a few are into disciplines of natural science. Mine are since a couple of years geology, glaciology and astronomy. For a very long time it was, as example, everything around operating systems, especially OSX, Unix and Linux. Or over many years I’v been extremely into paramedicine and rescue techniques. A discipline I’m still very interested in. But how do they ignite? An exemplar. Since I can think, I’v been interested in geology and everything around mountains, but it was never something, I could call a special interest. I’v been collecting stones from all around the world since my childhood, but I never been into the whole topic really deep – but still a bit more knowledge than standard. Anyhow, a couple years ago, I’v been in Northern Greece with a group of kayakers and during a hike we found a black, glass-like stone. We been talking about that rock and I couldn’t remember what his name was. It was an Obsidian. The fact that I wasn’t able to name that stone, brought me to the mannerism claiming geology as my special interest. Not because I couldn’t tell this person the name from that stone, it was because I didn’t knew it for my self. An other trigger for special interests can be circumstances bothering or concerning me, like the deglaciation and climate change. That was for me one of the reasons, claiming glaciology as one of my special interests. A reason for how long I’m interested in that topic, is how fast I’m getting bored and reaching the limitation of gaining knowledge. As soon I gained as much as possible in knowledge around this topic, I’m starting to lose interest and I change the sphere of subject. An other reason loosing the interest can be some sort of a burnout due to an over-interest and putting too much energy in it. Gaining knowledge is in general an important factor to me. I’m like a sponge, absorption as much information I’m able to. A reason why I have such a manifold knowledge around a lot of topics. This is also causing, that people very often think I’m a wisenheimer. Already in school I’v seen no need in writing down notes during class. When I’v been interested in a topic, for me it was enough, to hear it ones to record all the information onto my memory. And this is why astronomy and astro-physics is since a few years my absolute super-special-interest. It has an infinite pool of knowledge, far beyond my imagination. Every day and over many hours I’m into that topic, reading articles or technical books, watching documentaries or trying to decipher astronomic mechanisms or calculations. And at the end of a day, I’m heading out, watching the stars being fascinated by this infinite universe and those incredible distances – realizing how small we actually are.
And what’s about this savant? Well, my savant is nothing I have the urgent need to learn or study, like i do on my special interests. I’m not even engaged so often, except I has to. It’s like gifted and just there, nothing I have any choice. In my case this is photography, the eye for a harmonic picture and the rules of photography, like the golden ratio or the rule of thirds. You can compare it to an “absolute hearing” from a musician. And even when I meanwhile know about this talent, I’m constantly question this gift and ask my self, am I really that good? Or I’m like that anorexic person in front of the mirror seeing himself as a fat person? A fact I’m struggling, since I’m doing pictures. Specially since I’m doing it as a professional. Well, and not everything’s gifted in a profession what is a handcraft. You also need many skills doing it. And sure I had to gain knowledge about photography and I still do – but just that much, what is necessary to handle my equipment and what is needed to realize this “pictures in my head”. You’ll think now: “wow that’s a great gift – photography is a job you can make a shitload of money”. Well, that’s kinda true, but with my savant it’s in some characteristics equal to my special interests. I don’t see the big picture around it, and when it’s about photography, my very first priority is to take pictures and not earning money with it. Even when I’m depending on it and knowing that fact. And again I’m in that tunnel vision – I have no chance to get out. When other people realizing this, then they are tempt to shortchange this situation, because they think – he’ll doing this pictures anyway, no matter I’m paying him or not. I know since many years that I have this behavior, but still I’m not able to turn it off or change it. A reason why I desire since a very long time a person or an agency, what is taking over the management and sales part. This would be a real game-changer for me and my business…
To be continued!
Leave a reply